I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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