i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
