Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
