someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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