He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
