I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
