We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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