handjob tips. give me some.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
