Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
