His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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