My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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