for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
