she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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