I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you never un-have a 4some
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
