I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mom said you looked used
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
