I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
whose parrot is this?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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