this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
