I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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