I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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