Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this just has baby written all over it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
