Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
