When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
