Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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