I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
