he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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