I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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