He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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