How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
