Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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