yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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