I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
