like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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