Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
