fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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