I skipped work to stalk him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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