12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
