All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God, I missed his penis.
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