I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize