I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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