you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
