I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
