They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
