The maid of honor just puked.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
