Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
