gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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