Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
