david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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