coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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