I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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