you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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