My liver just broke up with me...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
two words...techno handjob
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just high enough for therapy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
