I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
