Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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