i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
