It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
