if you like me you must not know who I am
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
