Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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