I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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