what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
