he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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