direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
wow bdsm is so cute
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
