i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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