Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
