Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
