im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
