I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
