Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
