Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
