I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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