On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
