I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
