I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
