Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
