So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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