I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
