I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
