I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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