If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
