I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
