New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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