i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
