i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
