K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
