Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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