Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
