So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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