She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
