before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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