She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
