I could make wine with my vomit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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