hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
