The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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