It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
