Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize